"If you're willing to break up over an ice sculpture, you guys should absolutely not get married. Because who gets to choose the ice sculpture, who should take out the trash, who has to stay home and make the many pizzas, that's the little stuff. What are you going to do when the big stuff comes along? What are you gonna do when a tornado hits your house, or you have problems with your kids, or one of you gets cancer? At some point, the crap is going to hit the fan. And that is why now, before you make the commitment, you have to ask yourself: Is that person in bed next to you worth the trouble? Do you love him...or her so much that no disease, no disaster could possibly pull you apart?" - Desperate Housewives

"Hey, since I'm saving your life and all, you wanna think about maybe keeping us in your will?" - Desperate Housewives

"Well, putting a wall around your heart doesn't protect you. It just keeps people out. I learned that the hard way." - Desperate Housewives

"I'm not cynical, I'm realistic. I'm just trying to protect myself." - Desperate Housewives

"I don't think I'm great. I have fallen down more times than I can count, just like so many other housewives out there. We're all just barely holding on and we all think that we're alone. So maybe you're right, maybe it isn't a cook book: it's a lifeline for those other women because I want them to know there's always a chance to get something right. Even if it's just a casserole." - Desperate Housewives

"What you won't read about are the reasons for this bravery, and that's because no-one ever doubts a hero." - Desperate Housewives

"You know something? I like money, I like it a lot. And a couple of years ago you could have bought me with that big fortune of yours, but I'm a mom now and I make the decisions for my kids. And that is something that can't be bought." - Desperate Housewives

"Either tell Mike how you feel or move on, because that's what he's trying to do and it's not fair to stop him." - Desperate Housewives

"It's an awful thing to live in darkness, unable to see what others take for granted; but if we are lucky the darkness leaves and we can finally see the secret sacrifices made by our wives, the surprising progress made by our mothers or the unintended consequences of our own actions, but there are those who prefer the darkness because there they see only what they choose to see." - Desperate Housewives

"Susan: I need a man in my life!
Lee: Why? We're so useless." - Desperate Housewives

"Everyone needs a lovely home in suburbia. Mostly so the neighbors will never suspect what's going on inside. Behind these freshly painted walls you will find parents wracked with guilt, wives tired of struggling, lovers who have been lied to. Yes. Everybody needs a lovely home in suburbia, if for no other reason than to have a place to come home to." - Desperate Housewives

"You know what they say in a bad economy, the mature cocktail waitress is the first to go." - Desperate Housewives

"Edie: Don't try and psycho-analyze me, you twit! I was just trying to tell you how selfish men are!
Susan: And I was just trying to be nice and give you a free pass for being such a big slut!" - Desperate Housewives

"I'm sorry. I thought we gave your latest break up the three seconds of shock it deserved." - Desperate Housewives

"There's a lot you can do with money in the suburbs. You can pay for a night on the town. You can provide a private school education. You can purchase a token of affection. But the one thing you must never do with money is use it as a weapon. Because someone always gets hurt." - Desperate Housewives

"Well, with her, it was like a fairytale. I thought it would last forever. It didn't. What you and I have is more real because I know it's not forever." - Desperate Housewives

"It begins just after sunrise. After a good night's sleep. People leave their homes, to go to work. They do this, so they can provide a better life for their families. So they can afford nice things. And have a reason to get up in the morning. And when their exhausting work is done, people come back home again. And some begin counting the days till their next vacation." - Desperate Housewives

"You can find them almost anywhere. Friendly people with hidden agendas. The woman who uses her neighbor to get herself a job. The wife who uses her influence to hire a friendly spy. The husband who uses his charm to steal from his friends. And you can be sure, the friendliest people of all, have agendas that won't ever be discovered. Not until it's too late." - Desperate Housewives

"You can find them on any sidewalk in any city. People with agendas. The woman who calls up an old friend, because she wants to borrow some cash. The man who takes his boss to lunch, because he wants the corner office. The girl who looks after her uncle, because she wants to be in the will. Yes, you can find these people almost anywhere, doing what they can to keep their agendas hidden." - Desperate Housewives

"Life is full of nasty shocks. Unpleasant surprises that jolt our systems and cause our hearts to skip a beat. And these shocks always occur when they least expect them." - Desperate Housewives

"You are naturally beautiful. Make-up just covers that up." - Desperate Housewives

"look at me. I'm tipsy. I'm horny. I'm easier than a five-year-old's homework." - Desperate Housewives

"Oh, he's just so wonderful. I gotta tell you, if I'm not careful this guy could still my heart." - Desperate Housewives

"Well, that's what's so great about it, technically it's a business dinner. It has all the potential upsides of a date while still being tax deductible." - Desperate Housewives

"But you know how it happens? A man gets to a certain age, and he realizes he's gonna die someday, really die. And what's worse is that he's everything he's ever gonna be. He's never gonna be rich, he's never gonna climb a mountain. Some guys do bad things when they get those thoughts in their heads, by comparison, playing in a garage band, well, seems pretty harmless." - Desperate Housewives

"Everyone appreciates a good neighbor. You know, the kind that helps you with the groceries, but doesn't ask why is your son so moody. The type that delivers misplaced mail, but doesn't point out your wife seems so discontented. The sort that offers to mow your lawn, but doesn't mention your husband seems cold. But if you're not sure the man next door is as nice as he would have you believe, do everything you can to get to know him better." - Desperate Housewives

"It goes by so quickly. In a flash, the life we knew is gone forever and we're left to ask ourselves: How could he have left me? When did my beauty start to fade? Why has my friend changed? Was I the best mother I could have been.? Of course, there are some people who understand how quickly time passes. That's why they're so determined to get what they want...before it's too late." - Desperate Housewives

"It will happen to all of us eventually. The moment will come when we ask ourselves: Where did the time go? How did the children I once cradled grow up so very quickly? How did the life I dreamt of turn into a career I never expected? And how did that woman I saw each day in the mirror become someone I don't even recognize?" - Desperate Housewives

"Susan, I went into this with my eyes wide open. I know who Karl was and who he sometimes still is. But I believe him when he says he wants to change. And isn't that what you're supposed to do when you love someone?" - Desperate Housewives

"Karl, when we began this affair, we agreed to be discreet. Do you know what discreet means? No skywriting!" - Desperate Housewives

"Bree: For what is worth, I am sorry it had to end this way.
Orson: Me too. These scones you made are delicious. I'll miss them." - Desperate Housewives

"So, tell me, Mike, do you feel betrayed, humiliated? Good. Because I only did this to show you what it feels like when the person that is supposed to love you the most lies to you." - Desperate Housewives

"Honey, let her have her lies. Let her plot. You got nothing to worry about. You mean everything to me and Katherine means nothing." - Desperate Housewives

"Tom: Remember last time you were pregnant with twins? Every part of you swelled up. It was like sleeping next to a body they dragged out of the river.
Lynette: You said I was beautiful.
Tom: I had to. You were twice my size." - Desperate Housewives

"If I'm gonna break a commandment, I don't want it to be for a quickie on this couch." - Desperate Housewives

"There are certain kinds of pain that can't be treated in a hospital, so those who are suffering do what they can to heal themselves. Some cure the ache of loneliness by making new friends. Some soothe their excruciating guilt with an infusion of cash. Some alleviate their burning desire with small acts of kindness. But sadly, there will always be those who can't begin to heal... because they realize there is more pain yet to come." - Desperate Housewives

"Nobody steals a man out of my bed. But you know what? I've been looking for a new hobby, and taking you down is as good as any." - Desperate Housewives

"Once a year, we remember to stop and count our blessings. We give thanks to the friends who understand us, the lovers who make us happy, the children who do our bidding. Yes, we must always be thankful for what we've been given, even if it's just an opportunity." - Desperate Housewives

"It doesn't matter where we're going... it doesn't matter how quickly we try to get there... it doesn't matter that we never look back. The past we left behind will still find a way... to catch up to us." - Desperate Housewives