girls poker night by jill davis >>
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"happy endings aren't for cowards. I've been alive for how many years, and i've just figured that one out." - girls' poker night by Jill a Davis
"i learned to be unfaithful from my parents. not infidelity in the classic sense -- but i was always prepared for the unhappy ending, which made me less willing to work toward a happy one. i was unfaithful to the idea of a well-adjusted future." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"have you ever written your name, or seen it printed somewhere, and thought it looked unfamiliar? like maybe you spelled it wrong or something? it used to happen to me all the time. but then again, I'm only the strangest person i've ever met." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"but the truth is: i'm kind of happy with the way i turned out. i mean, things could be worse. i could be boring. or unhappy. or, like, i don't know, Canadian or something." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"imagine settling for a life you can have because you don't have the courage to go after the life you really want. that's what makes me do it -- make one of those decisions -- the kind that bends your future in a whole new direction." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"every day the opportunity exists to change your life. but most days, the idea of having to change the big things in life just seems like too much work. should i lie on the couch and watch a movie, or should i confront my personal demons? you get the point." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"that's what people do -- they move into their new life and disassemble the old life in some ungrateful way and leave it out by the curb. like it never served any purpose at all. like self-preservation is some frivolous little thing." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"now i feel like a refrigerator has fallen on me and i'm pinned underneath it hoping to escape but in the meantime my life is sprinting ahead of me, assuming I'll catch up." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"i want love to transform me, and him, and turn us into a happy couple. but as the saying goes that somebody said one time and then it became popular but no one knows who said it -- no dice. and that seems really sad to me. but i don't even experience the sadness. i just think about other things.... like packing it all in and becoming a cake decorator. i think about moving to New York. But mainly, running anywhere sounds good to me." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"but i'm growing bored and dissatisfied and he feels it and he's panicking. and i know this, but i can't make him feel more secure. we both do this. we critique the relationship, but never out loud. and when we're thinking of jumping ship on the other person, we are very quiet, because subconsciously we want them to know something's up. we want them to be prepared, because we feel so guilty for considering that this -- we -- might not work." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"somewhere out there there must be a woman meant just for him. and for too long i thought that woman might be me. and that really says more about what an unstable character i am than it says about his peculiarities." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"then one night, i don't know, this all stopped seeming so amusing and temporary. and i couldn't stop crying. and it started feeling like my life was flying by and that i was being careless with the one thing i always claimed to value -- my time. i was afraid to go after what i wanted." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"no one likes losing. but i really don't like losing. and i haven't figured out why." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"I'm too old to not know who i am." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"of course, there is safety in numbers... you can never really focus on one person if you surround yourself with the masses." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"i find saying what's on one's mind can make one wildly unpopular." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"so i didn't break up with him. and that got him all optimistic, because he really started believing we were going to get married, mainly because when he'd say, 'do you think we're going to get married?' I'd say, 'oh, definitely.' i'm so bad like that. i mean, i can't help it. i just hate letting people down. besides, i knew he just wanted me to stay because i was leaving." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"human beings have a scary knack for recognizing the competition." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"i'm sad that this is the kind of person i am. i am a person who will stay in a relationship for three years because i know that this relationship will never hurt me. i will park my love here because here i will never experience great joy, but more important, i will never be devastated. the dissolving of this won't be painful at all. it will just be a formality. a formal ending to something that barely or never existed." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"it's all about might. it might hurt. it might not work. it might be awful. i never think it might work. it might be good. it might be fun." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'I've used up all of my sick days -- so I'm calling in dead.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"and i think this is funny, kind of. him leaving. like he's trying to make some point. and of course he is trying to make a point. but i haven't a clue what the point is. so i guess he didn't win that one. anyway, i pretend not to notice he's gone." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"America is beautiful. i mean, each day is a new table on which to roll the dice. stop complaining and start rolling, people! of course, this is the advice i give others. i cower in the corner, never even touching the dice. risks are for idiots. risks are for people who make their own elaborate Halloween costumes and then, get this, wear them in public! risks are not cool." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'makes men more realistic about relationships when they know they can actually fail.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'why do i get this feeling if i weren't here, you'd be having this exact same conversation with yourself?'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"dance, my little puppet. it's a control thing. and i love hanging up on him. i find it gratifying." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"anyway, what i mean is, i could be attracted to him, but only if he were very single. i mean, if his girlfriend died in a horrible car accident or something left him a widower, i couldn't fall for him. I'd worry he'd love her forever and cry whenever he opened the closet and saw her dead dresses just hanging there, and I'd be like the second-runner-up in love. and i'm way too insecure and competitive to sign up for that kind of nonsense." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"it's funny how the prospect of love is so much more interesting when you don't actually know the person you're fabricating a fantasy life with. i can't allow reality to get in my way." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'at least your heart knows what it wants. i mean, even if you are incapable of accepting happiness. at least some part of you is working toward it.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"that's the thing about problems, i guess. you need to buddy up with them, because they never hit the road on their own." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"there was no difficult period of forgetting him or getting over him. which made me wonder if i had ever loved him, or anyone else." - girls' poker night by jill a davis "we never did see things the same way." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"what do you call Monday night football? they fill stadiums with men cheering for men. men loving men. men paying men lots of money to play with a little ball. it's a glorified love fest. with major sponsors and beer bongs." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'look, at this point, there's no reason for us to see each other anymore, okay? i mean, there's no real point, is there? so let's just stop it now, okay?'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"he's one of those guys, you know, who women go nuts for. it's like his mother ignored him and now he has to make all women love him or something." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"i think it's completely wonderful that he sees my flaws so easily and has no problem hammering on and on about them." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'i'd say my biggest fear is that this thing with Michael is about sex. that this is really just sexual attraction and nothing more. and fine, you know. because that can be fun too. but if i'm worried it's all about sex, i guess what i'm really worried about is that for me it only partially has to do with sex. that for me it's about caring for him, so why risk giving into that just to have him leave me?'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"this same movie will rerun over and over for my entire life, and in the end it will be my life." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"i'm inspired by her. she says yes to life. she is a doer. the world smiles on her, or at least she thinks it does. and that's what matters." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"people always get weird after they have sex. especially after they have sex for the first time. they get closer, and so they have to do something to separate themselves again.... they cancel dates, they get sick so they have an actual excuse to cancel a date, they don't return phone calls, they return phone calls when they know the other person won't be there to talk to them, they have sex with your best friend -- that kind of thing. i know people get weird after sex; my fear is that i might get weirder than most." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"somewhere in the not so dark recesses of my mind, i believed that the excitement surrounding the avoidance could never really live up to itself if a, um, let's call it a situation, ever occurred between us. we'd watered it all down with anticipation. robbed ourselves of whatever the prize was supposed to be." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"it all changed. everything was different. we almost seem like a regular, normal couple. when we're in bed, i want to climb inside of him, and even that would not be close enough. because there is this unnamed thing we share, this deep need. and i don't mean sex -- at least i don't mean just sex. when he kisses my neck or rolls on top of me, i think, There, right there. don't move. and then he does, and i think, There, right there. and there is no right there -- it's all right. everywhere. anywhere." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'you set yourself up for happiness or you set yourself up for sadness. either way, it's your doing.'"* - girls' poker night by jill a davis
*You can't do that. you can't not accept the breakup. that's not an option. that's not -- you don't get to do that.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'it must be very scary... to think that every fight will lead to a breakdown in an important relationship.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"I've always avoided fights. i make jokes instead. i tell people what they want to hear in order to avoid a confrontation. i pretend to want thing i don't want, and i pretend not to want things i do want. no one gets hurt. except me. the lines are so crossed and blurred at the point that i don't know what i want. i just know i want it to be easy." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'i sort of feel like someone's knocked the wind out of me, i guess,' i say. 'like an i told-you-so kind of thing coming from my subconscious. if that makes sense. every time i think about it, you know i feel sick. i feel like I'm incapable of making a right choice.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"' the point of the story was that this is your shit -- you can do whatever you want with it. but at some point you're going to have to deal with it or you won't move forward in the world.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
"and then i just start crying. i try to stop, but i can't. and it's so strange. because, in a way, i'm not crying about myself. and in a way i am." - girls' poker night by jill a davis "but it doesn't even have anything to do with him. it's easier this way, because when he fails all the tests, i won't be disappointed, because they were set up in a way to ensure that he would fail. and, in turn, i would not be disappointed by the outcome." - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'so if you had some idealization of who i was and now i'm not that guy because you realize i'm flawed... i understand. but this is who i am. as someone who loves me, you should want to know who i am.'" - girls' poker night by jill a davis
"'there are mistakes that we make when we're young that can't be fixed when we're older. and so we live with them.'" girls' poker night by jill a davis
