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Scrubs Quotes ... Page 1

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"You ever notice how quickly some people make an impression?" - Scrubs

"Did you ever go see a movie that everyone told you was great, and then because of all those expectations, you ended up totally disappointed?" - Scrubs

"I think the one thing we never stop looking for is acceptance. Acceptance of our own shortcomings. Acceptance that some things are gonna be what they're gonna be. " - Scrubs

"The human brain is remarkable. Once a day for nine years, I thought I lost my watch 'cause I can't remember which wrist it's on. " - Scrubs

"You have no idea what I'm like, so all of your feelings for me are coming from down there. But most of all, I'm looking for the real thing; and you're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told 'no'. " - Scrubs

"In my experience, when two friends miss an opportunity like this, you've got exactly 48 hours to get the kiss. Otherwise, one of you will over-think it. Okay, she's gonna over-think it. Then you end up permanently stuck in the Friend Zone. " - Scrubs

"First, you do the head, then you do the finger, then you talk through the nose...and then you give a lot of attitude. That's how it works. But if you're not from there, you don't understand, so I'm not gonna even 'axe' you." - Scrubs

"Every time I think something, the opposite happens.... I am so not having sex this weekend. " - Scrubs

"Once every 6.3 seconds, a man says something stupid that another man hears and punishes him for... " - Scrubs

"Is that how you see this relationship? As some mad dash to the finish line? Because I'll take you into that bedroom right now and and I promise you, you will be walking sideways for the rest of your life because I'll have used all your up and down! " - Scrubs

"Eh, you marry somebody just like your mother, and then you remember you hate your mother." - Scrubs

"It's just, my dad - um, he's a doctor, too - he says therapy is for people with more money than problems. But then... my dad says a lot of things... " - Scrubs

"The story of my life. Anytime I let my guard down just a little, I get hurt. " - Scrubs

"Listen, you should go ahead and enjoy this while you can Bobby, because if your evil genie actually does grant your wish and I disappear, the only person you'll have left to contend with will be yourself and when you really get to know that person...oh dear God you'll scream so loud that Satan will wanna rip up the contract you signed at birth just to get some sleep." - Scrubs

"Why can't you for once dig deep down in your heart, access some emotions and empathize with me." - Scrubs

"What is it with friends and the whole wanting to be in your life thing?" - Scrubs

"You know what, that's exactly what's wrong with you men. You're all so superficial, so afraid of what you really feel. I'm so sick of it! " - Scrubs

"Ever since we said "I love you" to each other, I've been feeling all this pressure, and wondering about the future - our future. Like, are we gonna get married? Are we gonna have kids? If so, how many, and when will I get my figure back? Should I keep working? Where're we gonna live? Is my mother gonna live with us? How big a house do we need? How many bathrooms? What if my mother walks in on you while you're in the bathroom, you slip and fall, and I can't afford the funeral costs? " - Scrubs

"Baby, there's nothing that could scare me away." - Scrubs

"Things that wouldn't have bothered you a week ago in a friendship become so incredibly important when sex is involved. I just...I think it'd be easier if you weren't friends with your girlfriend... At all. " - Scrubs

"You know what, after I have sex five times with somebody, I...usually like to have the relationship talk... I know, I know it seems rushed, but, you have to understand, five times usually takes me anywhere between six months and seven years. " - Scrubs

"I'm taking one of those quiet moments where I weigh your good qualities against your bad ones and decide if you're actually worth the trouble." - Scrubs

"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down. " - Scrubs

"And that's when you find out that that pretty little girl you married isn't a pretty little girl at all. No, she's a man eater. And I'm not talking about the "whoa here she comes" kind of man eater, I'm talking about the kind that uses your dignity as a dish towel to wipe up any shreds of manhood that might be stuck inside the sink. But of course, I may have tormented her from time to time, but honest to God that's what I thought marriage was all about, so much so that by the end of that relationship, I honestly don't know who I hated more...her or me. I used to sit around and wonder why our friends weren't trying to destroy each other like we were. And there it turns out the answer's pretty simple. They weren't unhappy, we were. " - Scrubs

"Relationships, well Sigmund, relationships are so fragile, it just takes one thing, one tiny-little offense and it can snowball on ya. And if that snowball starts to pick up speed, God forbid, you better tuck and go my friend. " - Scrubs

"Look, I am seeing someone right now - who, by the way, is great - and yet there's this other woman who I cannot get out of my head. She's totally unavailable, which may be why I can't get her out of my head, and maybe, and this is a whole new theory - I keep thinking of this other woman - the unavailable one - because I am so afraid that the first thing might actually work out and God forbid I ever do something that might actually make me happy. " - Scrubs

"I mean, you were right, I got into this for all the wrong reasons but I lucked out because now that I'm here, I can't imagine being anywhere else." - Scrubs

"Every one of our parents does some considerable emotional damage and from what I've heard it just might be the best part of being a parent." - Scrubs

"I heard the sad sigh, I see your shoulders are slumped, and I'm aware that you have some whiny-ass problem that you want to talk to me about because you probably think it'd be cathartic to get it the hell off your chest but believe me it won't be. What you've got to do, for me, is the healthy thing. Keep all of your feelings bottled up inside where they so belong! " - Scrubs

"I want to win at everything every day, and you should, too." - Scrubs

"You see, that is your problem - you think you have the answers to e-heh-everything, but instead, you end up throwing gas on the fire, and everyone else has to pay the consequences. " - Scrubs

"It's all about hiding the crazy and acting like the most confident girl in the room." - Scrubs

"This might sound weird, but I'm in love with that guy. And if I don't sleep with him, I'm gonna kill myself! " - Scrubs

"That's just the lamest smack-talk I've ever heard in my life." - Scrubs

"Oh and sassy too. If you could cook a steak, I'd eat it right off your bottom. " - Scrubs

"You know, Freud said that ninety percent of all human behavior is motivated by sexual impulses? But, come on. You know, give me some credit. I'd say at least thirty percent of my behavior is motivated by advertising, and the rest by violence in film! " - Scrubs

"That's really very sweet of you to think that you're that important." - Scrubs

"I don't like much freedom down there. It makes me tingle in my giblets. " - Scrubs

"We were talking about our relationship, and how great everything is going. And all I said was, 'It's weird to think I'll never date again.'" - Scrubs

"Call it wishful thinking, but I couldn't shake this feeling that this was nothing more than a very, very bad dream." - Scrubs

"In moments of truth, we always reveal who we really are." - Scrubs

"Look: This is pointless, angry, shallow sex! Why would you go and ruin something like that? " - Scrubs

"Sweetie, I have feelings for you, too; I do. But unlike you, I have some balls, so you don't hear me whining about it. " - Scrubs

"Look, I wanna be like you... but a more successful you. There's nothing wrong with playing the game once in a while. Tell you what: Ten years from now, when I'm your boss, I'll go ahead and throw in a good word for you and you won't even have to ask... sir. " - Scrubs

"Honey I know your type. It is so easy to see other people's problems from way up there on your pedestal, but you better be careful up there because if you fall off and have to walk around down here with the rest of us, I don't know you might catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or the surface of a pond, your boyfriends gigantic shiny head and trust me, you're not gonna like what you see. " - Scrubs

"Look who peeked in his shorts and found a pair." - Scrubs

"Oh, yeah, the word you're looking for is 'Wow.' And the words I'm looking for are 'In your face.' " - Scrubs

"I know we seem insensitive, but in a crunch-time, most guys are smart enough to say the right thing." - Scrubs

"Even if it breaks your heart to be just friends, if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit." - Scrubs

"Oh, come on, death isn't that bad. Especially if you're dying from laughter! " - Scrubs