What My Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're
going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come
out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean
underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you
something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your
mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at
the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there until all
that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado
swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled
because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into
this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting
like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
THANKS, MOM!
