"When he messes up and apologizes, accept his apology. When you can see the tears he is holding back, forgive him. When it is apparent that any pain you feel he feels ten times worse, realize he loves you. When he has hurt you and is there to put you back together, let him help." - beckie
"its ironic, but when I'm starving, my life seems, fuller." - beckie
"my friends are getting mad.. i haven't been going out as much.. my tan and my hunger have begun to fade.... i guess I'm thinking that if i stay in my house long enough... Over time i will begin to fade too... hopefully in time i will disappear�" - beckie
"I'm sick of being dragged through the day.. i remember a time in my life when i used to wish the day would last forever... now all i want it to do is end.. each day i hate myself a little more.. i remember when i was my friend.�" - beckie
"Today I realized I have surpassed depression. I'm not even sad anymore. The way I'm feeling is not even a way of feeling now.. it has become a way of life. I would give anything just to be able to cry, to know I was capable of having emotions again.. but instead I stand here.. numb.. like a dead girl walking." -beckie
"you know that girl who is always lost. the one with the pretty smile no one can tell is fake? that girl who seems to be so strong, but daily continues to break? you know... that girl who is always there, and seems to have no problems of her own? the one who holds back the tears, until you are off the phone? that girl that is in love, with a guy who tries to understand. that girl who if you reach out, always pulls back her hand? well what a lonely life, what a sad girl she must be. maybe you didn't realize it, but that girl is me." - beckie
"this time i've done it. this is a new low, even for me. it's like i think i hit rock bottom, i finally think things have to get better, because they couldn't possibly get worse, and then i see that nothing is impossible." -beckie
"i feel like I'm stuck in a prison...a prison where the only guard keeping me in is myself.. and i'd let myself out... if only i remembered where i put the key." -beckie
"i smile because when i cry it doesn't help. when i cry all it does is make people ask me if I'm okay, i would love nothing more than to punch these people. I'm sitting here, crying, but yes i am perfectly happy. i mean come on give me a break, obviously I'm not fine." -beckie
"i wish everyone didn't have such high expectations of me... because its bad enough i let myself down.. i don't need to let everyone else down too.." -beckie
"i guess my smile isn't hiding my tears today, and everyone is asking me 'what happened'. they all want to know 'why i am having a bad day'. well nothing happened today... it was just a day.. an ordinary day.. preceded by 15 bad years." - beckie
"i messed up, but that's what i do... its in my blood. my life is so fucked up, and as soon as i get something that can even classify as normal, i mess it up. i never meant to hurt you, you are the only good thing i have, but i had to mess it up... because if my life wasn't a mess... well it wouldn't be mine." -beckie
"Tell me now.. am I wrong about everything?" - beckie
"i want you to hate me, i want you to yell at me, tell me i was wrong, make me realize if i mess up again, i will lose the best thing i ever had, but instead you sit there, and explain a part of you wants to leave but another part of you knows that if you do, you will realize down the line you made the biggest mistake of your life, why do you have to do that? why do you allow me to justify my suspicious then take it all away by showing me you are nothing less then perfect?" - beckie
"I'm so scared.. I was always so sure I could survive without you.. but lately.. lately i just don't know." -beckie
"We both took some wrong turns; hurt each other a little too much. Our stubbornness was what kept us apart. Neither one of us wanted to give in; to forgive the other first. In the end, we both lost." - beckie
"I guess this shouldn't be such a surprise to me, but it is. I am pushing you away. I am not even sure why, I mean I am consciously aware that you love me more than anything in the world. I guess I always thought you would be different, I would be able to open up and not run.. but I guess I thought wrong." - beckie
"It isn't that I don't love you.. it's just that I can't do it anymore.� - beckie
"i wish you didn't think i was so perfect, i wish you didn't think i was so great, because it'll just hurt worse, when you realize the truth a little too late." -beckie
"I've noticed that i always want what i can't have.. especially in relationships.. and I'm always causing problems to make the relationship unattainable.. because when i want what i can't have.. well i can't get hurt�" - beckie
"i feel like I'm destined to be alone.. because all of those who love me leave.. or die.. whenever i begin to trust again.. i get lied to.. and whenever i open up my heart.. the cracks get re-shattered." -beckie
"they need to make a place one can go to escape oneself�" -beckie
"its a strange concept.. but sometimes.. no matter how bad your life becomes.. you do nothing to change it... not because you don't want it to change.. but you're so used to being miserable.. you are too afraid to let it get better�" -beckie
"people are funny, ya know? it's like from the moment they meet you they are setting standards for the type of person you should be... without even knowing the type of person that you are. and when you fail to meet these standards they say you aren't the person they knew... and when you fly over the standards they do everything they can to bring you down�" -beckie
