Humor Quotes ... Page 10

Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

"Carrie: You know those women marry the Roman Numeral guys.
Charlotte: Charles Duffy Anderson the fourth.
Carrie: Ding, ding, ding.
Samantha: I find the higher the number the worse the sex. I went out with somebody the third, who couldn't even get it up.
Miranda: Imagine, how bad Henry the Eighth must have been.
Carrie: Yea, you give him head, he cuts yours off." - Sex and the City

"Carrie: When did this happen? When did the sexes get all confused?
Miranda: Somewhere between Gen X and Gen Y, they made XY." - Sex and the City

"She's an equal opportunity offender." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: You'd dump a guy because he was a bad kisser?
Samantha: Honey, you have to. I mean, if their tongue is just going to lay there, what do you think their dicks are going to do.
Carrie: Point taken." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: His tongue actually licked my teeth.
Samantha: I don't get it, did he want to fuck you or floss you?" - Sex and the City

"They practically chased me with torches like I was fuckenstein." - Sex and the City

"I'll tell you one thing, when your boyfriend is so comfortable he can't be bothered to wipe his own ass, that's the end of romance." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: You know I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become re-virginized.
Carrie: And, I imagine quite frisky.
Charlotte: But, isn't that great, you can erase your whole sexual past and start again.
Carrie: Who would want their the virginity back, it was bad enough the first time." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: I don't want to ruin it by having sex with him too early.
Carrie: Oh, so you're everything but girl.
Charlotte: I like to think of it as kissing with extras.
Carrie: How very ninth grade of you." - Sex and the City

"You know, if the whole cum situation were reversed, do you think men would get anywhere near the stuff?" - Sex and the City

"Kill me, please. Just take a sharp object and drag it across my throat." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: How can you not know anything about him? You slept with him?
Samantha: I fucked him. He made me cum six times, that's good enough for me." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: I mean, last night I got so turned on I almost....
Samantha: Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex." - Sex and the City

"Miranda: I showed him a boob in a coat check room.
Carrie: Just one?
Miranda: I sensed he couldn't commit." - Sex and the City

"Samantha: All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.
Charlotte: I think they call that a relationship.
Samantha: I don't know how you people do it! All that emotional chow chow, it's exhausting!
Miranda: I know, don't you just hate that?
Carrie: Women!" - Sex and the City

"Baby talk is the worst. It's like putting ketchup on prime rib. Stop it, you're ruining it!" - Sex and the City

"He has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary! In what twisted world does that create a baby? It's like the Special Olympics of conception." - Sex and the City

"I'm so bloated and gassy, I'm like a flotation device." - Sex and the City

"Charlotte: Carrie you have to know where he's been so you know what you're getting.
Samantha: As long as what you get doesn't itch, I say you're fine." - Sex and the City

"Miranda: Oh I'm sorry Steve, I'm an asshole.
Steve: Yeah you are, but you're my asshole.
Miranda: That's sweet, and gross, at the same time." - Sex and the City

"What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?" – The Bucket List

"I've had baths that were deeper than you." – The Bucket List

"Give it to me straight: virginal bride or slut in white?" – Chaos Theory

"Will Hayes: I had two serious girlfriends... and then some other smattering of other women.
Maya Hayes: What's the boy word for 'slut'?
Will Hayes: They still haven't come up with one yet." – Definitely, Maybe

"Maya Hayes: What's a threesome?
Will Hayes: It's a game, that adults play sometimes... When they're bored." – Definitely, Maybe

"Dad, I can't believe you drank... and smoked... and was such a slut... But I still love you." – Definitely, Maybe

"This song is an excellent cure for the will to live." – Definitely, Maybe

"Trey Porter: You know, Sigmund Freud said the best way to understand women is by listening to them.
Chief James Porter: Did he say anything about understanding ten year-olds?" – College Road Trip
"You know what? I can get a couple guys to go to his place, knock on the door and when he opens it wham! We junk-punch him in his man buisness and he'll fall to the floor crying "why?!" and then we'll say 'you know why!' Huh?" – What Happens in Vegas

"If I could kill someone with my mind right now, it would be you." – What Happens in Vegas

"The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you." –Sex and the City

"It's like trying to fit a cream puff through a key hole." –Sex and the City

"Samantha Jones: Jesus honey! Wax much?
Miranda Hobbes: What? My marriage is going through a rough spot. I don't have time to wax!
Samantha Jones: I could be on death row and not have that ‘situation!'" –Sex and the City

"Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart." – The Bucket List

"Carrie: We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams 'whore'?
Miranda: Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?" - Sex and the City

"Your uselessness is epic." – Fool's Gold

"I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife, but, in those fantasies, I was running into them with a truck." - Sex and the City

"Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls, because they can. It's part of their biology." - Sex and the City

"Something wrong? Why would anything be wrong? We just had sex in a church - and we're not even married - and now we're gonna dig up a grave! I mean, what is that, like a triple sin? I'm surprised we haven't been struck by lightning." – Fool's Gold

"I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least." - Sex and the City

"Carrie: You know I did the date the bi-sexual guy thing in college, but in the end they all ended up with men.
Samantha: So, did the bi-sexual women.
Charlotte: Which explains why there are no available men left for us." - Sex and the City

"Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection with another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much." - Sex and the City

"I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter." - Sex and the City

"That's French! The French are coming! I've never been so happy to hear the French!" - Lost

"Oh, you guys have an inside joke. How absolutely wonderful for you both." - Lost

"That was awesome, man. That was like ... a Jedi moment." - Lost

"You want to wish something on your worst enemy? Hope they step on a sea urchin." - Lost

"You want to keep a secret, don't tell the fat guy." - Lost

"Jin: I'm... sorry.
Sawyer: Okay, nice. Keep it coming.
Jin: You were...right.
Sawyer: Okay, that's two. Hit me.
Jin: Those pants... don't make you look... fat.
Sawyer: Now ya got it! Only three things a woman needs to hear!" - Lost

"Welcome to the wonderful world of not knowing what the hell's going on." - Lost

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