Humor Quotes ... Page 10
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"I'm not spoiled... my parents just love me."
"If my attitude causes you any distress call: 1-800-Kiss-My-ASS."
"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full experience of alphabet soup?"
"My favorite part about graduation now will be dodging my student loan officer. He will be up there with the Columbia record guy. . . been after my ass for years." - Reality Bites
"I can't remember when I was so disappointed. Except the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand."
"I'm sick of reality. I want a Fairy Godmother. "
"I thought I had mono once for an entire year, turned out I was just really bored." -Wayne's world
"Everyone thinks it's so romantic, Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got." - Grey's Anatomy
"You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better." - Confessions of a Shopaholic
"Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating."
"I'm afraid you have me confused with somebody who gives a crap. And it's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed, turns out it happens all the time." - Scrubs
"I'm officially out of men to fuck, I have to get married or move." - Sex and the City
"Samantha Jones: Jesus honey! Wax much? Miranda Hobbes: What? My marriage is going through a rough spot. I don't have time to wax! Samantha Jones: I could be on death row and not have that 'situation!'" -Sex and the City
"As soon are you're born, you start dying, so you might as well have a good time." - Cake
"'So what did you learn from all this?' 'That if I total my car, Daddy buys me a new one?'" - Clueless
" I once fixed a door that wasn't even broken yet." - Gran Torino
"You know, I have spent hours, days,... years imagining myself half naked in a room with three women. The reality is so much better." - Grey's Anatomy
"So you know what I was thinking...If there's all these college guys who are like totally hitting on high school girls, then there's probably a whole surplus of neglected college girls who want to hit on high school guys." - Everwood
"Everyday millions of people suffer from monogamy. There is no known cure." - Sex and the City
"Anytime you mix good looking people and alcohol, things always 'happen.'" - Real World
"Prince Charming probably would have turned out to be a dick anyways."
"Give it to me straight: virginal bride or slut in white?" - Chaos Theory
"People don't like me. You know why? I'm a 'screw-up', always 'have been'. For instance, when we were kids, Mom would always make me walk Johnny to school first day every year. Every year, I'd walk him to the wrong school! Just 'cause!" - Scrubs
"Everyone wants to go to Heaven, but no one wants to die to get there."
"Google me bitch! I might be famous one day." - Four Christmases
"On my Job Application it said: In case of emergency notify...I wrote down - DOCTOR ! (what the hell is my mother going to do)?"
"Relationships are hard. They're like a full time job and we should treat them like one. Like, if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be a severance pay and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
"Of course we can still be friends, just don't call me."
"Shopping at Christmas time means waiting in lines ten times longer than normal." - Pacey's Rants
"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic."
"Everyone has issues except me. I have a damn subscription." -jd ives
"What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?" - The Bucket List
"Frankly dear, I don't give a damn!" - Gone With The Wind
"Don't waste precious time crying, spend it preparing yourself for the next jerk that tries to break your heart!"
"Well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it." - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Some girls are cute, some girls are blazin', but me and my girls are just plain amazing."
"I'll let you in on a little secret. My mom says I'm special on the inside." - john tucker must die
"I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed."
"You know you've had too much to drink when your lips touch the toilet bowl and you don't care."
"If I were your wedding, I'd be sleeping with one eye open... " - Bride Wars
"Dad, I can't believe you drank... and smoked... and was such a slut... But I still love you." - Definitely, Maybe
"I tried to see things from your point of view, but I couldn't shove my head that far up my ass."
"There's a real big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery and then strike your throat before you even know you're in a fight. But I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand that, because all you do is make moves from up in your ivory tower." - the break-up
"There's one questions I have just been dying to ask. Does Santa wear boxers or briefs? " - Christmas Caper
"Jorge: Why are you laughing? Sebastian: I'm just very immature." - Marley & Me
"when god made men, she was only kidding."
"If you want a man, don't waste your time. Just give up, you can't have mine! I think you need to pick up your phone and dial: 1-800-GET-YOUR-OWN!"
"Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat."
"Eh, you marry somebody just like your mother, and then you remember you hate your mother." - Scrubs
"I understand that you are handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you." - Armageddon
