"They say that an old dog, can't learn a new trick, well she taught me to stay the first day and I learned real quick." - Toby Keith, "pull my chain"
"Shelly Barnes: Just don't ask me to marry you again. Dr. Jack Gramm: Why not? We're perfect for each other. Shelly Barnes: Yeah, yeah... except I'm gay and you're a commitment-phobe. Dr. Jack Gramm: That's why we're perfect." - 88 Minutes
"I can feel my sperm dying inside of me, one at a time." - Made of Honor
"When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail." - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you? Peter Bretter: Yeah, probably." - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"Dwayne told me. Chuck told me. Even Rachel told me. I heard about it from everybody. You gotta stop talking about it. It's like 'the Sopranos.' It's *over*. Find a new show." - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!" - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"There's one questions I have just been dying to ask. Does Santa wear boxers or briefs? " - Christmas Caper
"that's a bad guy, that's a really bad guy! Did you see his face? His head looks like one of the Easter Island heads!" - Get Smart
"Lena: How do you say "lost pants" in Greek? Yia Yia: Greek girls do not lose their pants!" - Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
"Harry Pfarrer: Go around the corner, we'll do it in the back. Katie Cox: You're so coarse. Harry Pfarrer: Back of the car... not the rear entry situation…" - Burn After Reading
"You're a Mormon. Compared to you we all have a drinking problem." - Burn After Reading
"Tank: I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in. Alexis: Well I would kick you in the dick, but my foot might get Herpes." -My Best Friend's Girl
"People don't like me. You know why? I'm a 'screw-up', always 'have been'. For instance, when we were kids, Mom would always make me walk Johnny to school first day every year. Every year, I'd walk him to the wrong school! Just 'cause!" - Scrubs
"I'm afraid you have me confused with somebody who gives a crap. And it's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed, turns out it happens all the time." - Scrubs
"I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short to spend your time working someplace where people don't crap their pants at the mere sight of ya." - Scrubs
"Dr. Cox: No biting. Jordan: Just take it, you girl." - Scrubs
"If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go ahead and take relationship advice from someone whose fiancee is currently speaking to him." - Scrubs
