Humor Quotes ... Page 3
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls, because they can. It's part of their biology." - Sex and the City
"Kinda gives new meaning to the term metrosexual." - Grey's Anatomy
"Charlotte: There was so much skin. It was like a shar pei. Carrie: You've never seen an uncircumcised one? Charlotte: I'm from Connecticut." - Sex and the City
"Tell your boyfriend I said thanks."
"The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off."
"I know that you did not mean to spit out those profanities. I know you're a loser. I know you've had bad skin all your life. I also know you will never find a wife." - Jann Arden, 'I know you'
"Gosh, even my friends love you. I better keep an eye on them when you're around!"
"If I was 10 times smarter than you, I'd be a moron!"
"We wear these clothes and this make-up for other women more than for men. Men don't care. They just want us naked."
"Okay, I think we just found the first room in the history of the world that would've made Liberace say, 'Whoa! Step back! No one's that gay.' " - Gilmore Girls
"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women."
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend, so here's the leash, water bowl, and chew toy."
"If I'm not back in twenty minutes, I don't want you to worry because it simply means I drove by a prostitute on the way home." - Scrubs
"I've tried snorting Coke but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose."
"Every evil, terrible thing that ever occurs in the world is directly offset, counterbalanced if you will, by the complete utter joy of biting into an Eskimo Pie. It's the way we maintain balance in the universe." - Post Grad
"I'm a non-practicing virgin." - Reality Bites
"I prefer to describe my profession as that of a contemporary anthropological interactive observer, because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides 'stalker' is such an ugly word ... and its not stalking unless you hide."
"Jin: I'm... sorry. Sawyer: Okay, nice. Keep it coming. Jin: You were...right. Sawyer: Okay, that's two. Hit me. Jin: Those pants... don't make you look... fat. Sawyer: Now ya got it! Only three things a woman needs to hear!" - Lost
"I'll tell you one thing, when your boyfriend is so comfortable he can't be bothered to wipe his own ass, that's the end of romance." - Sex and the City
"You can tell a man 'I hate you,' and you'll have the best sex of your life, but tell him, 'I love you' and you'll probably never see him again." - Sex and the City
"Money and looks aren't everything.... but its all I got!"
"I've had baths that were deeper than you." - The Bucket List
"Do you think there's a chance your mom won't love you anymore when she sees how badly you're getting beaten right now?" - the break-up
"I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least." - Sex and the City
"It was all very familiar. She was having a d�j�-fuck." - Sex and the City
"Kill me, please. Just take a sharp object and drag it across my throat." - Sex and the City
"If I'd known he was Catholic I never would've have gone out with him in the first place. They should make them where a sign." - Sex and the City
"A man loses his sense of direction after four beers. A women loses hers after four kisses "
"You can't make up for sixteen years of ignorance in one week." - 90210
"'A label peeler, huh?' Will asks. I nod. 'In college that meant a girl was easy.'" - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis
"when the most exciting thing on TV is Eminem and Elton John. . . you know you've got a problem." - Pacey's Rants
"If these are the best years of my life, then I am in for some serious second degree burns in my future."
"Andy: You were right, I was wrong. Linda: It must have caused you some physical pain for you to utter that sentence. Andy: Just some internal bleeding." - Everwood
"Baby talk is the worst. It's like putting ketchup on prime rib. Stop it, you're ruining it!" - Sex and the City
"""Meredith: After all this time, all your warnings about me sleeping with my boss and you're doing the same exact thing.
Cristina: Oh, it's not the same thing.
Meredith: It's the exact same!
Cristina: No, it's not. You and McDreamy are in a relationship.
Meredith: And you and Burke are in?
Cristina: Switzerland. It's very neutral there and they make very nice watches."" - Grey's Anatomy"
"if i were anyone else, i'd be getting seriously worried about me." - a promising man, and about time, too by elizabeth young
"I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together--like chocolate and peanut butter." - Sex and the City
"Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?"
"The secret to being happy is realizing that no matter how bad life is, it can always get worse."
"Some people say 'shoot' instead of 'shit.' They can't fool me, man. 'Shoot' is 'shit' with two O's." - George Carlin
"They say love is right around the corner. I must be walking in circles."
"The woman is a love machine, if she gives up on men something is very, very wrong." - charmed
"That's just the laMest smack-talk I've ever heard in my life." - Scrubs
"I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk -- alcoholics go to meetings."
"Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the idiot upside the head!"
"I know that somewhere inside of me there is a sober girl trying to get out .... a 6 pack usually shuts her up."
"When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail." - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"Why make something disposable like a building when you can make something that last forever, like a greeting card?" - (500) Days of Summer
"here is my friend jack daniels, but before I introduce you.. he's a hard friend to get rid of." - dave matthews
"I'd tell you to burn in hell, but when I die, I would have to see you again."
