Humor Quotes ... Page 3

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"You're not even interesting enough to make me sick!" - Cher

"A good man is so hard to find but a hard man is so good to find!" - TLC

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away from him and you have his shoes."

"If I wasn't so short.. I'd be a lot taller." - Piglet

"Wait a second, you're taking romantic advice from a guy who spends his evening trying to get 3 snails to sleep with each other?" - Dawson's Creek

"There are two types of mints you should never turn down in life: breath mints and compliments. Either way, someone is trying to tell you something."

"You know you've had too much to drink when your lips touch the toilet bowl and you don't care."

"I'm still waiting for the world to come crashing down ahead. And I'm still waiting for someone to call me up and tell me, 'You're dead.'" - the ataris, "how i spent my summer vacation"

"Jealousy's such a terrible disease. Get well soon bitch."

"I wish I had saved all the tears you made me cry so I could drown you with them."

"I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk -- alcoholics go to meetings."

"If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do it for you."

"Learn from your parents mistakes -- use birth control."

"It's one of those days. Again." - Eeyore

"You may not remember the tests you've failed, but I'll bet you remember the person you were with the night you decided not to study."

"As I said before, I never repeat myself."

"I always win, except when I lose, but then it doesn't count."

"I got lost in thought. It was an unfamiliar territory."

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed."

"I'm not completely insane, maybe just a little crazy."

"Everyone wants to go to Heaven, but no one wants to die to get there."

"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."

"They say love is right around the corner. I must be walking in circles."

"Don't make love by the garden gate; love may be blind, but the neighbors ain't!"

"Gosh, even my friends love you. I better keep an eye on them when you're around!"

"Have a nice day, somewhere else."

"I told him I loved him, it turns out the feelings are mutual . . . he loves himself too."

"All of you hotties wait in line, cause me and my girls pimp one at a time."

"Shakin my booty, movin my hips, makin' you drool and lick your lips, bet no other girl can tease you like this."

"Some girls are cute, some girls are blazin', but me and my girls are just plain amazing."

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."

"If you can't do something well, enjoy doing it poorly."

"Why is it that you can shoot ducks in duck season, but you can't shoot tourists in tourist season?"

"If you be sugar, I'll be spice; if you be fire, I'll be ice; if you're cold, I'll make you hot; as long as you give me all you've got"

"My boyfriend kisses much better than yours."

"I'm not in denial, I'm just selective about the reality I choose to accept."

"Me and my girls don't gotta mack it, we just simply sit back and attract it."

"If my attitude causes you any distress call: 1-800-Kiss-My-ASS."

"Don't play me, play the lotto. You'll have a better chance at winning."

"When life hands you lemons ask for a fifth of tequila and salt!!"

"We went from candy and toys to cell phones and boys."

"I'm old enough to know better, yet, young enough to do it anyway!"

"A baby blue Abercrombie & Fitch shirt-$45, a wifebeater-$10, Tommy boxers-$35, seeing all HIS clothes on MY bedroom floor the next morning - priceless!"

"If you want a man, don't waste your time. Just give up, you can't have mine! I think you need to pick up your phone and dial: 1-800-GET-YOUR-OWN!"

"I'm not conceited, I'm just simply aware of my sexy little self."

"Angel in your eyes, devil in disguise!"

"Money and looks aren't everything.... but its all I got!"

"No where on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair."

"Yo, I'm Casper, give me four! Man, I'd kill for a pinkie." - Casper