Humor Quotes ... Page 9
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love." - Charlie Brown
"Shakin my booty, movin my hips, makin' you drool and lick your lips, bet no other girl can tease you like this."
"Your uselessness is epic." - Fool's Gold
"Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 1868"
"No where on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair."
"As I walked away I thought, 'Maybe all men are a drug. Some bring you down and sometimes like now, they get you so high...' Damn! It would have been so cool if I hadn't looked back." - Sex and the City
"Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!"
"Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's like depth." - Daria
"When life hands you lemons ask for a fifth of tequila and salt!!"
"Welcome to the world of the emotionally matured. It's a really nice place to visit." - Reality Bites
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"High School is the best years of your life. Love it. Live it. Enjoy it. And in your extra time, do your homework." - save by the bell
"Milk does your body good, but I'd do it better."
"You're like a Jehovah Witness with a good suit." - Sex and the City
"what do you call Monday night football? they fill stadiums with men cheering for men. men loving men. men paying men lots of money to play with a little ball. it's a glorified love fest. with major sponsors and beer bongs." - Girls' Poker Night by Jill A. Davis
"It's only illegal if you get caught!"
"Look, I wanna be like you... but a more successful you. There's nothing wrong with playing the game once in a while. Tell you what: Ten years from now, when I'm your boss, I'll go ahead and throw in a good word for you and you won't even have to ask... sir. " - Scrubs
"Don't take life too seriously it's not like you're getting out alive."
"Actually, I prefer to be called Ruler of All That Is Evil. But I will answer to Satan." - Grey's Anatomy
"The statistics on sanity are that one of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
"I bet you've got some seriously kinky skeletons in your closet." - Grey's Anatomy
"That sound that you're hearing - you know that boom? That's my mind blowing." - Alias
"When I turn 21, I'll be legally able to do all the things I've been doing since age 13."
"Just when I thought I had learned all the answers someone went and changed the questions."
"She's an equal opportunity offender." - Sex and the City
"Guys are like slinkies: Not good for much, but you have to laugh when they fall down the stairs."
"I am officially Denouncing Cupid...the lil SOB did me wrong!"
"Samantha: All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings. Charlotte: I think they call that a relationship. Samantha: I don't know how you people do it! All that emotional chow chow, it's exhausting! Miranda: I know, don't you just hate that? Carrie: Women!" - Sex and the City
"And you know what? Let me tell you something about these tattoos, okay. That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!" - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
"I look adorable! No one ever told me that if you fish, you get to buy an outfit. I'll do just about anything if I can buy an outfit! " - Gilmore Girls
"Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal your broken heart, just as time can heal his broken arms and legs." - Miss Piggy
"Teenage sluts aren't born, they're made." - Dawson's Creek
"If the ocean were liquor and I were a duck I would dive to the bottom and drink my way up. But since the ocean ain't liquor and I'm no duck, pour me a shot and let's get fucked up."
"I'm gonna kill you. One night in your sleep, a slit throat maybe, or a screwdriver to your temple. Be ready." - Dawson's Creek
"I would kill myself, but I'd probably go to hell, and that would just be redundant."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved."
"'You could cut the sexual tension with a butter knife.'" - Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin
"I'm sorry, it's just that... I'm from Muncie, Indiana. The wildest thing I ever did was... Leave Muncie, Indiana!" - Valentine's Day
"The other night, on my grandfather's yacht, Summer attacked me with her lips. And she swore if I told anyone she would kill me. Yeah, she's got an interesting take on romance." - the oc
"Stu Price: This does not seem fair. Phil Wenneck: It's rock-paper-scissors. There's nothin' more fair." - The Hangover
"Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart." - The Bucket List
"'I thought it was a date; turns out I was just being robbed.'" - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis
"An alcoholic is anyone you don't like who drinks more than you do." - Dylan Thomas
"While waiting for the right guy to come along, I'm having lots of fun with the wrong ones!"
"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done." - jack handy
"Some guys say 'Suck It!' I say no thanks I tend to choke on small objects."
"If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question."
"'I never meant to hurt you, but you're sexy when you cry.' 'I really did love you... hehe. . . aren't I cute when I lie?'"
