Humor Quotes ... Page 6
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
"I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific." - sex & the city
"Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember." - Sex & the City
"Death would be a beautiful place if it looks like Brad Pitt." - Carmen Electra
"love's just a waste of our energy, and this life's just a waste of our time. so why don't we get together? we could waste everything tonight."
"The minute someone shows a little enthusiasm the cynics of the world get nervous." - 90210
"Slightly involved, there is no such thing. That's like being a little bit pregnant." - 90210
"She said when hell freezes over, she's gonna be mine, but she didn't say never, so that's a good sign." - Rich McCready
"Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." - RA Dickson
"Don't take life too seriously it's not like you're getting out alive."
"Always wear cute pajamas to bed cause you never know who you'll meet in your dreams."
"Don't cry because it's over, laugh at how stupid he is for letting you go!"
"Don't waste precious time crying, spend it preparing yourself for the next jerk that tries to break your heart!"
"Stop looking for Prince Charming, Cinderella's already got him."
"Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!"
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." - Ogden Nash
"Love your enemies. They'll go crazy trying to figure out what you are up to."
"You have to laugh at yourself, because if you didn't you'd cry your eyes out."
"The secret to being happy is realizing that no matter how bad life is, it can always get worse."
"As soon are you're born, you start dying, so you might as well have a good time." - Cake
"Everyday millions of people suffer from monogamy. There is no known cure." - Sex & the City
"Love is hell." - DMB, 'Halloween'
"Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love." - Charlie Brown
"You want my opinion? We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness- and call it love- true love." - R. Fulghum
"Love is when two people who care for each other get confused." - Bobo Schneider
"Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."
"Right when you think you've found the perfect guy, you wake up."
"Relationships are hard. They're like a full time job and we should treat them like one. Like, if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be a severance pay and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
"I'm the kind of girl that laughs at a joke three times: Once when its told, once when its explained to me.. and then 5 minutes later when I finally get it."
"I'd tell you to burn in hell, but when I die, I would have to see you again."
"if i were anyone else, i'd be getting seriously worried about me." - a promising man, and about time, too by elizabeth young
"I would kill myself, but I'd probably go to hell, and that would just be redundant."
"i tried to have a nice day once. it didn't work."
"Everyone has issues except me. I have a damn subscription." -jd ives
"This is my 'depressed stance'; when you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this." -Charlie Brown
"I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately...this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"I can't remember when I was so disappointed. Except the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand."
"You're on this little holiday here in fuck up land, but I live here permanently!"
"Stop the world -- I wanna get off!"
"There is a certain freedom in being completely screwed, because you know things just cant get any worse."
"They say love is right around the corner. I must be walking in circles."
"I am officially Denouncing Cupid...the lil SOB did me wrong!"
"St. Valentine, the bastard who started all this bullshit, died a horrible, violent death. Haha that sucks.......nope I'm not bitter."
"Just when I thought I had learned all the answers someone went and changed the questions."
"In a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, zits, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, stupid guys and PMS, why the hell do people still tell me to have a nice day?"
"I just learned that the Prince who was supposed to come and sweep me off my feet has supposedly gotten lost in the forest."
"If these are the best years of my life, then I am in for some serious second degree burns in my future."
"I'm sick of reality. I want a Fairy Godmother. "
"This would be really funny, if it wasn't happening to me."
"Some people have one of those days ... I have one of those lives."
"Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'" - Charlie Brown