Humor Quotes ... Page 2
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"This song is an excellent cure for the will to live." - Definitely, Maybe
"I can feel my sperm dying inside of me, one at a time." - Made of Honor
"You had a few drinks, a few orgasms, and nobody died, right?" - Party of Five
"In a world of Cheerios, be a Fruit Loop!!"
"Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your 'cancer' and your 'emphysema' and your 'heart disease.' The bottom line is, smoking is cool and you know it." - Friends
"There is a certain freedom in being completely screwed, because you know things just cant get any worse."
"Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? 'Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!'" - jack handy
"I didn't lie. I altered the truth to fit my mood."
"Prue: Don't you think you're overreacting? We are perfectly safe here! Piper: Don't say that! In horror movies the person who says that is always the next to die!" - charmed
"Quit looking for prince charming... I already have him."
"He said, 'Don't let the future destroy your past.' I said, 'Don't let the door hit your ass!'"
" I'm sick of reality. I want a Fairy Godmother."
"Have a nice day, somewhere else."
"My boyfriend kisses much better than yours."
"Some people are alive, simply cause it is against the law to kill them!"
"I'm good at multitasking... I can screw up several things at once!"
"I don't like much freedom down there. It makes me tingle in my giblets. " - Scrubs
"Charlotte: I just know that no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington I just want to give up. Miranda: Well I just want to tie her down and force feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and me." - Sex and the City
"there is no more intense reading than the kind you have to do when you want other people not to think it is sad that you are dining alone." - It's My F---ing Birthday by Merrill Markoe
"Don't make love by the garden gate; love may be blind, but the neighbors ain't!"
"My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, 'How was that drive-by shooting?' You don't care how it was, you're lucky to get out alive." - My So-Called Life
"Maya Hayes: What's a threesome? Will Hayes: It's a game, that adults play sometimes... When they're bored." - Definitely, Maybe
Giles: No, actually that would be one of the five. " - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!" - buffy
"I always win, except when I lose, but then it doesn't count."
"There are two types of mints you should never turn down in life: breath mints and compliments. Either way, someone is trying to tell you something."
"I thought your motto was 'Think of the worst thing possible and multiply it by ten.'" - My Legendary Girlfriend by Mike Gayle
"I used to like to play with my Ken and Barbie dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff." - My Girl
"Someday I'm gonna be famous. Do I have talent, well, no. These days you don't really need it, thanks to reality shows." - Brad Paisley, "celebrity"
"Charlotte: In some cultures, heavy women with mustaches are considered beautiful. Samantha: And you're looking at me while you're saying that?" - Sex and the City
"Actually my problem is, is that you're just killing my buzz!" - charmed
"I ran into my ex the other day then I put my car in reverse and hit him again."
"Menopause, mental anxiety, menstrual cramps, mental breakdown...ever notice how all our problems begin with men?"
"You're not even interesting enough to make me sick!" - Cher
"It figures. I invite a boy to a party, and he brings his boyfriend." - Dawson's Creek
"Haven't you heard? Goofy is the new handsome." - Bedtime Stories
"I thought I wanted a career but it turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"Emma: [to Liv] Your wedding's gonna be huge, just like your ass at prom. Liv: Your wedding can suck it." - Bride Wars
"Don't have sex, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them." - Steve Martin
"They haven't spoken in a week. That's like a century in girl years." - Bride Wars
"Charlotte: I mean, last night I got so turned on I almost.... Samantha: Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex." - Sex and the City
"Don't get high on Life! Snorting cereal hurts!"
"I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately...this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"Wait a second, you're taking romantic advice from a guy who spends his evening trying to get 3 snails to sleep with each other?" - Dawson's Creek
"I find it best when dealing with any unfamiliar bully to strike early with sarcasm. It makes them wonder whether I have some secret butt-kicking prowess they're unable to detect." - Everwood
"Always wear cute pajamas to bed cause you never know who you'll meet in your dreams."
"Go get him, there he is. If you think that's the great love of your life, then great ... grab a liver treat and a squeaky toy and run to him. " - Gilmore Girls
"He's the cutest, sweetest, nicest, greatest, most romantic, most insensitive jerk I have ever met."
"You want to wish something on your worst enemy? Hope they step on a sea urchin." - Lost
"I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly. As an asshole." - Sex and the City
