Humor Quotes ... Page 8
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"Cheerleaders are dancers...that have gone retarded." - Bring It On
"I bet people can actually die of embarrassment. I bet it's been medically proven." - My So-Called Life
"I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm determined to get it right."
"Be nice to other people, they out number you six billion to one."
"Charlotte: You know I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become re-virginized. Carrie: And, I imagine quite frisky. Charlotte: But, isn't that great, you can erase your whole sexual past and start again. Carrie: Who would want their the virginity back, it was bad enough the first time." - Sex and the City
"A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking."
"Some days you're the dog, and some days your the hydrant."
"Carrie: Oh, everybody has a goody drawer. Samantha: I have a goody closet." - Sex and the City
"Then I snap out of it and remember I'm being turned down by a dating service. . . I haven't even been given the opportunity to be turned down by an actual individual. A small business is turning me down." - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis
"That's for sure. I was once with a guy the size of those little miniature golf pencils, I couldn't tell if he was trying to fuck me or erase me." - Sex and the City
"Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"
"Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, Aw, who cares? Then I think, Hey, what's for supper?" -jack handy
"First of all, there's the weather. In November, you get excited as you wait for the first snowfall. . . In December, you get holidays, presents, and time off from school. By January you start itching for winter to be over, and then you hit February and you end up late to class because your sister's car is snowed in. Just when you've had it to here with the crap, mother nature sticks you with another pointless month, and you can't even enjoy President's Week because you're stuck doing school assignments anyway, and even if you weren't, it's too cold to leave your house. Then there's the 28 days thing. Sometimes it's 28, sometimes it's 29 - and either way it's 1-3 days shorter than a normal month. So how come it feels about eighteen times as long? I'll tell you why. Cause it's freaking cold, man!" - Pacey's Rants
"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"
"Dude, he's from Indiana. They only celebrate Love Your Cousin Day." - Valentine's Day
"First, you do the head, then you do the finger, then you talk through the nose...and then you give a lot of attitude. That's how it works. But if you're not from there, you don't understand, so I'm not gonna even 'axe' you." - Scrubs
"John Crowley: Well, thank you very much for firing me. Dr. Kent Webber: My pleasure, I never liked you. John Crowley: Likewise." - Extraordinary Measures
"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it than others." - Breakfast Club
"Right when you think you've found the perfect guy, you wake up."
"You know what? You said you were crazy. And you know what? News flash, you are." - Everwood
"Love is when two people who care for each other get confused." - Bobo Schneider
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we broke up I think it's time you kept your promise."
"We're going to have so much fun, we're going to need plastic surgery to wipe the smiles off our faces." - Chevy Chase
"when you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. it might be a trick, but if it's not, mmm boy." -jack handey
"People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them." - Gilmore Girls
"Don't play me, play the lotto. You'll have a better chance at winning."
"Carrie: A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice and it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex is so great you sort of... keep him on call. Samantha: Ooo, he's like dial-a-dick!" - Sex and the City
"He's a teenage boy. We could take away his penis. He'd still try to have sex." - Desperate Housewives
"There is nothing more annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting." -Mark Twain
"women can iron, watch TV, chat on the phone and answer the doorbell all at the same time, but men? Men can only do one thing at a time. Ever try chatting to man when he's trying to park the car? Exactly. He'll ignore you because he can only concentrate on one thing at a time." - Mr. Maybe by Jane Green
"Although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid."
"Some people have one of those days ... I have one of those lives."
"Don't walk behind me. It gives me the creeps. Don't walk beside me, for you are not my equal. Walk in front of me, so I can push you down the stairs."
"They say love is right around the corner. I must be walking in circles."
"Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping, you can make an exchange for something you really like!"
"Now, I know I'm not the subtlest guy when it comes to women and I probably said something insanely inappropriate, because you told me if I ever talked to you again, you'd break my kneecaps. Which just made me love you." - Alias
"He's a guy. Nothing they do ever makes sense." -Felicity
"I heard the sad sigh, I see your shoulders are slumped, and I'm aware that you have some whiny-ass problem that you want to talk to me about because you probably think it'd be cathartic to get it the hell off your chest but believe me it won't be. What you've got to do, for me, is the healthy thing. Keep all of your feelings bottled up inside where they so belong! " - Scrubs
"Virginity is like a balloon, one little prick and it's all gone."
"I was born free, but now I'm expensive."
"I said it before and I'll say it again: sluts heal faster." - The Golden Girls
"That was awesome, man. That was like ... a Jedi moment." - Lost
"Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection with another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much." - Sex and the City
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"If you tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him that a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure."
"I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head." - Gilmore Girls
"The navigation system speaks. It has a British accent. I distrust it immediately. It sounds too smooth. Like a player." - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis
"Women's faults are many. Men have only two. Everything they say and everything they do."
"If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny." - jack handy
"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving." - jack handy
