Humor Quotes ... Page 7
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"I've already seen more of you than I ever wanted to. I'll be fighting nightmares for a week." - Grey's Anatomy
"Love is the same as like except you feel sexier and more romantic and also more annoyed when he talks with his mouth full. And you also resent it more when he interrupts you, and you respect him less when he shows any weakness, and further more, when you ask him to pick you up at the airport and he tells you he can't do it because he is busy. It's only when you love him that you hate him." - Judith Viorst
"We all have the urge to kill our parents once in a while. It doesn't mean we do it." - 90210
"Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." - Nora Ephron
"The amount of sleep required by the average person is just, 'five minutes more'."
"Charlotte: Jack says I have a fire inside me. Carrie: Tell him they make a cream for that." - Sex and the City
"If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not." - jack handy
"Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kiss you twice... and then linger a long time on the second kiss." - the holiday
"of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most" - ozzy osbourne
"He's a guy. They can re-build a jet engine but when it comes to a woman, what's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the Sphinx." - Sex and the City
"What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have laid in that glass box forever? Or would she have gotten up, spit out the apple, gotten a job and a health care plan, and moved on with her life?" - Sex and the City
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them." - jack handy
"Stop looking for Prince Charming, Cinderella's already got him."
"God made men first, and then he had a better idea."
"I make everything look easy." - One Tree Hill
"Miranda: Oh I'm sorry Steve, I'm an asshole. Steve: Yeah you are, but you're my asshole. Miranda: That's sweet, and gross, at the same time." - Sex and the City
"I just learned that the Prince who was supposed to come and sweep me off my feet has supposedly gotten lost in the forest."
"Alex Goran: He broke up with you by text message? Ryan Bingham: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet." - Up In The Air
"Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." - RA Dickson
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."
"It's funny. Every time I think you're the same old sharp-edged jack-ass, you turn around and do something to remind me that you're such a pansy. " - Scrubs
"I'm old enough to know better, yet, young enough to do it anyway!"
"Don't worry I'm fluent in weirdo."
"Tell your dog not to worry, sooner or later we all lose our balls." - Marley & Me
"The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe that (a) You're not home, (b) You're home but you don't want to talk to me, or (c) You're home, desperately want to talk to me, but you're trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please give me a call." - when harry met sally
"Can we lighten up on the cock talk until cocktail time?" - Sex and the City
"Oh, you guys have an inside joke. How absolutely wonderful for you both." - Lost
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." - Ogden Nash
"A girl only needs four animals in her life. A Jaguar in the garage, A Mink on her back, A Tiger in bed and a Jackass to pay for all of it."
"The statistic on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." -Rita Mae Brown
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." -George Carlin
"It's important to be yourself, unless you're a loser, then its important to try to be like me."
"I used to have a handle on life, then it broke."
"You do not alter a Vera to fit you, you alter yourself to fit Vera. " - Bride Wars
"Do you ever have one of those moments where you realize that the world just snuck up and completely blindsided you? Maybe I'm better suited to a career in the fast-food industry. 'Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order?' See how it just rolls off the tongue?" - Dawson's Creek
"Suze: Fluent in Finnish? Rebecca Bloomwood: Everyone has fudged their resume a little." - Confessions of a Shopaholic
"I'll tell you what, if you look me in the eyes and you tell me that you're really ready to start something right now... we won't even need a cab - I will, like, I will throw you over my shoulder and just sprint the twelve miles to your house! " - Scrubs
"The minute someone shows a little enthusiasm the cynics of the world get nervous." - 90210
"Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back."
"When the sun comes up, I have morals again." - Elayne Boosler
"Death would be a beautiful place if it looks like Brad Pitt." - Carmen Electra
"There is a reason god made some people ugly...to give us pretty people something to stand next to to look better." - Bette Midler
"This is where, if I had a dick, I'd tell you to suck it." - Lake PI
"Of course I kissed back, it would be rude not to."
"Allow me to introduce myselves."
"Dr. Cox: No biting. Jordan: Just take it, you girl." - Scrubs
"A baby blue Abercrombie & Fitch shirt-$45, a wifebeater-$10, Tommy boxers-$35, seeing all HIS clothes on MY bedroom floor the next morning - priceless!"
"Jealousy's such a terrible disease. Get well soon bitch."
"Charlotte: You'd dump a guy because he was a bad kisser? Samantha: Honey, you have to. I mean, if their tongue is just going to lay there, what do you think their dicks are going to do. Carrie: Point taken." - Sex and the City
"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good."
