Humor Quotes ... Page 7

Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

"And my English teacher, my English teacher, expects me to write my life story in ten sentences. I mean maybe I'm missing something here, but who has a life like that? I mean just figuring out what to wear in the morning takes twenty sentences." - 90210

" I really like him, Rory. I can't help it. And it's been a really long time since I've felt like this. You can't always control who you're attracted to, you know. I think the whole Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thronton thing really proves that." - Gilmore Girls

"As I walked away I thought, 'Maybe all men are a drug. Some bring you down and sometimes like now, they get you so high...' Damn! It would have been so cool if I hadn't looked back." - Sex and The City

"It figures. I invite a boy to a party, and he brings his boyfriend." - Dawson's Creek

"Love is the same as like except you feel sexier and more romantic and also more annoyed when he talks with his mouth full. And you also resent it more when he interrupts you, and you respect him less when he shows any weakness, and further more, when you ask him to pick you up at the airport and he tells you he can't do it because he is busy. It's only when you love him that you hate him." - Judith Viorst

"I thought I found my knight in shining armor, but it turns out he was just a loser in tin foil."

"'in some situations, hell, in most situations, a man thinks with his dick. by the time that thought process works all the way to his head, he usually sees that situation more clearly.'" - midnight bayou by nora roberts

"there is no more intense reading than the kind you have to do when you want other people not to think it is sad that you are dining alone." - it's my f---ing birthday by merrill markoe

"Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one." - house

"My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!" - buffy

"We wear these clothes and this make-up for other women more than for men. Men don't care. They just want us naked."

" I was in the German Club. There were only three of us, and then two of us left to join the French Club after seeing 'Schindler's List.' "- Gilmore girls

"We all have the urge to kill our parents once in a while. It doesn't mean we do it." - 90210

"You can't make up for sixteen years of ignorance in one week." - 90210

"We're all pretty bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it than others." - Breakfast Club

"People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public." - Bryan White

"Normal is in the eye of the beholder." - Whoopi Goldberg

"There is no right and wrong. There is only fun and boring." - Hackers

"Anytime you mix good looking people and alcohol, things always 'happen.'" - Real World

"A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good."

"Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, then leave a note saying 'sorry I missed you.'" - That 70's Show

"You think that they're the shit, but you lost, but they're just full of it." - the eyeliners, "you lose"

"Normal is the halfway point between what you want and what you can get." - sex and the city

"What if Prince Charming had never shown up? Would Snow White have laid in that glass box forever? Or would she have gotten up, spit out the apple, gotten a job and a health care plan, and moved on with her life?” – Sex and the City

"Welcome to the world of the emotionally matured. It's a really nice place to visit.” – Reality Bites

"”My favorite part about graduation now will be dodging my student loan officer. He will be up there with the Columbia record guy… been after my ass for years.” – Reality Bites

"I'm a non-practicing virgin.” – Reality Bites

"The navigation system speaks. It has a British accent. I distrust it immediately. It sounds too smooth. Like a player.” - Ask again later by Jill A. Davis

"Daytime TV isn't just a guilty pleasure. It is crack cocaine. You try and break the habit.” - Ask again later by Jill A. Davis

"Now, I know I'm not the subtlest guy when it comes to women and I probably said something insanely inappropriate, because you told me if I ever talked to you again, you'd break my kneecaps. Which just made me love you.” - Alias

"That sound that you're hearing - you know that boom? That's my mind blowing.” - Alias

"Listen, I know I've been somewhat impressed with myself in the past, but this time I am, like, freaking out about it." - Alias

"Then I snap out of it and remember I'm being turned down by a dating service… I haven't even been given the opportunity to be turned down by an actual individual. A small business is turning me down.” - Ask again later by Jill A. Davis

"'I thought it was a date; turns out I was just being robbed.'” - Ask again later by Jill A. Davis

"'A label peeler, huh?' Will asks. I nod. ‘In college that meant a girl was easy.'” - Ask again later by Jill A. Davis

"I like the straightforwardness of the plastic divider. This is my side, that's yours. No ambiguity. No guessing.” - Ask again later by Jill A. Davis

"I don't like it when someone tells me something about myself that I haven't yet realized. If I lack the courage to tell myself something revealing, I'm not ready to hear it from someone else.” - Ask again later by Jill A. Davis

"You had a few drinks, a few orgasms, and nobody died, right?" - Party of Five

"OK, new rule. Whenever one of you comes over to the other's house, the excuse has to be at least plausible. You may as well have said, 'I'm here to fool around.'" - Party of Five

"Joey: I'm not a quitter. Heston: People love saying that. It's like they saw it in some movie once and they liked the way it sounded." - Dawson's Creek

"I thought your motto was ‘Think of the worst thing possible and multiply it by ten.'" - my legendary girlfriend by mike gayle

"This is quickly going from merely nauseating to genuinely disturbing.” – smallville

"it's me again. Where are you? I feel like your stalker ex-girlfriend, even though I was never your girlfriend. It was just an analogy--a bad one. I'm sorry, this is awkward, okay, call me!” – smallville

"Why is it that you can shoot ducks in duck season, but you can't shoot tourists in tourist season?"

"If every baby is cute, why are there so many ugly people in this world?"

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." -George Carlin

"Gosh, there are so many mean, jealous, annoying, and uncaring guys to choose from. What's a girl to do?"

"Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?"

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"