Humor Quotes ... Page 4
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"I'm not completely insane, maybe just a little crazy."
"Screw Snapple, I'm the best stuff on earth!"
"My closest relationship is with my Blackberry, Thank God it vibrates!" - Valentine's Day
"Carrie: I'm also smoking again. I'm smoking and sleeping with Big. Feel free to delete me out of your palm pilot. Miranda: Gimme one. Carrie: Really? Miranda: I think I need it. Carrie: Oh, you are such a good friend." - Sex and the City
"Don't ever get married. It sucks. You stop appreciating each other and you run out of shit to talk about after the first year." - Zack and Miri Make a Porno
"I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
"You're on this little holiday here in fuck up land, but I live here permanently!"
"Trey Porter: You know, Sigmund Freud said the best way to understand women is by listening to them. Chief James Porter: Did he say anything about understanding ten year-olds?" - College Road Trip
"I wasn't lying. I was just protecting him from information that he wouldn't be able to digest properly." - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"This would be really funny, if it wasn't happening to me."
"Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is Share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling.... speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love." - andy rooney
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
"Three out of four people are crazy. My three best friends are fine, so it must be me."
"Daytime TV isn't just a guilty pleasure. It is crack cocaine. You try and break the habit." - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis
"Carrie: Shouldn't we be dating men our own age? Miranda: Good luck finding one. There are no available men in their 30's in New York, Giuliani had them removed along with the homeless." - Sex and the City
"A good man is so hard to find but a hard man is so good to find!" - TLC
"Since when is it a crime to be a slut in this family?" - Practical Magic
"Carrie: We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams 'whore'? Miranda: Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?" - Sex and the City
"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
"I thought I found my knight in shining armor, but it turns out he was just a loser in tin foil."
"Normal is the halfway point between what you want and what you can get." - Sex and the City
"Oh and sassy too. If you could cook a steak, I'd eat it right off your bottom. " - Scrubs
"Is your vagina in the New York City's guide books? Because it should be. It's the hottest spot in town. It's always open!" - Sex and the City
"I just realized something. Or maybe it's the maturity that comes with age. The witch in Hansel and Gretel, she's very misunderstood. I mean the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it." - Sex and the City
"I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."
"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting." - He's Just Not That Into You
"what man ever wanted heating turned up after all? 'Christ, it's like an oven in here,' was the usual term." - a promising man, and about time, too by elizabeth young
"Oh, yeah, the word you're looking for is 'Wow.' And the words I'm looking for are 'In your face.' " - Scrubs
"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."
"Ya know, I don't know why they call it a driving test. All they really care about is parking." - Everwood
"New York City is all about sex. People getting it, people trying to get it, people who can't get it. No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid." - Sex and the City
"I don't care if security will have to come in and carry me out. It will be worth it." - Lipstick Jungle
"I like the straightforwardness of the plastic divider. This is my side, that's yours. No ambiguity. No guessing." - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis
"I want you, I need you - oh baby, oh baby." - 10 Things I Hate About You
"You are a dirty little fun-haver." - failure to launch
"We went from candy and toys to cell phones and boys."
"And my English teacher, my English teacher, expects me to write my life story in ten sentences. I mean maybe I'm missing something here, but who has a life like that? I mean just figuring out what to wear in the morning takes twenty sentences." - 90210
"Lena: How do you say "lost pants" in Greek? Yia Yia: Greek girls do not lose their pants!" - Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
"If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go ahead and take relationship advice from someone whose fiancee is currently speaking to him." - Scrubs
"If you can't do something well, enjoy doing it poorly."
"Listen, you should go ahead and enjoy this while you can Bobby, because if your evil genie actually does grant your wish and I disappear, the only person you'll have left to contend with will be yourself and when you really get to know that person...oh dear God you'll scream so loud that Satan will wanna rip up the contract you signed at birth just to get some sleep." - Scrubs
"'in some situations, hell, in most situations, a man thinks with his dick. by the time that thought process works all the way to his head, he usually sees that situation more clearly.'" - midnight bayou by nora roberts
"Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me." - Gran Torino
"I don't like it when someone tells me something about myself that I haven't yet realized. If I lack the courage to tell myself something revealing, I'm not ready to hear it from someone else." - Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis
"Sex on and against hard surfaces might look hot in the movies, but in real life it is uncomfortable, overrated, and contrived." - Love the One You're With by Emily Giffin
"The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you." -Sex and the City
"That's French! The French are coming! I've never been so happy to hear the French!" - Lost
"Why is it that you can shoot ducks in duck season, but you can't shoot tourists in tourist season?"
"It's pretty funny how when you're trying to get over someone and then you see him again and it's like you're hit in the face with how gay he is and you just wanna throw up for ever liking him, but you can't take any of that back-all you can do is hope that he is suddenly attacked by a large animal."
"Charlotte: His tongue actually licked my teeth. Samantha: I don't get it, did he want to fuck you or floss you?" - Sex and the City
