Humor Quotes ... Page 4

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"I want you, I need you - oh baby, oh baby." - 10 Things I Hate About You

"Frankly dear, I don't give a damn!" - Gone With The Wind

"Cheerleaders are dancers...that have gone retarded." - Bring It On

"Don't follow in my footsteps because I run into walls."

"'So what did you learn from all this?' 'That if I total my car, Daddy buys me a new one?'" - Clueless

"Men should be like kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable."

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women."

"If you tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him that a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure."

"Boys don't kiss and tell, they kiss and exaggerate."

"In a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, zits, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, stupid guys and PMS, why the hell do people still tell me to have a nice day?"

"If the ocean were liquor and I were a duck I would dive to the bottom and drink my way up. But since the ocean ain't liquor and I'm no duck, pour me a shot and let's get fucked up."

"Conceited people never get anywhere, because they think they're already there."

"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments."

"Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back."

"I used to have a handle on life, then it broke."

"Be nice to other people, they out number you six billion to one."

"To make things simple let's automatically assume that everything I say is right."

"Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat."

"A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking."

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."

" I'm sick of reality. I want a Fairy Godmother. "

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"He's a guy. Nothing they do ever makes sense." -Felicity

"We don't devote enough scientific research to finding the cure for jerks." - Calvin & Hobbes

"Never knock on deaths door. just ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)."

"When I walk by all you hear is applause, cause baby, I got nothing but fans."

"The amount of sleep required by the average person is just, 'five minutes more'."

"Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it."

"Women's faults are many. Men have only two. Everything they say and everything they do."

"The truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off."

"A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts."

"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."

"Some people are alive, simply cause it is against the law to kill them!"

"All things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."

"Some days you're the dog, and some days your the hydrant."

"A man loses his sense of direction after four beers. A women loses hers after four kisses "

"He's the cutest, sweetest, nicest, greatest, most romantic, most insensitive jerk I have ever met."

"Snow White. Cinderella. All about wanting a guy, being saved by the guy. Today it's Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about getting a guy. So basically we're screwed up because of Disney."

"Of course I kissed back, it would be rude not to."

"Milk does your body good, but I'd do it better."

"Go ahead and talk about me, but bitch I got advice. Click your heels together and say 'I need a fucking life.'"

"Since when is it a crime to be a slut in this family?" - Practical Magic

"I was born free, but now I'm expensive."

"Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating."

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

"Allow me to introduce myselves."

"Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 1868"

"I'd stop drinking but - I'm no quitter."

"Reality: an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."

"Promote wildlife: throw a party."