Humor Quotes ... Page 12
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"Lois: Jimmy, you stepped on my hand. Jimmy: Next time, don't leave your hand on the floor under a desk in an office you're not supposed to be in. Lois: I'm sorry--did I just get a lecture from Jimmy Olsen? " - Smallville
"Chloe: Do me a favor, okay? Just keep a low profile. Oliver: I'm wearing green leather, so I'll do my best. " - Smallville
"I didn't know Uncle Sam was into drugs and bondage. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the 'I Want You' poster, doesn't it? " - Smallville
"Lois: Do you even care if I get this job? Clark: Of course I care. I bought a new tie. Lois: Oh, well I bought a whole new outfit. Clark: Yeah, you look great. Lois: Don't do that. Clark: Do what? Lois: Don't you dare reassure me right now. " - Smallville
"You stick your foot any further in your mouth, and you might end up losing a shoe. " - Smallville
"Hey, why the long face? This party's got your three favorite things: beer, girls, and severe weather warnings!" - Greek
"Jamie: Nice to meet you, grandma Rachel. Rachel: I remember when you were a rumor in third period." - One Tree Hill
"Aidan Hall: C'mon man, just one drink. Tyler: When was the last time you had just one drink? Aidan Hall: ...communion." - Remember Me
"Casey: You and I, we've always stayed in our respected worlds. I never crashed one of your gay camp sleepovers. Rusty: Wilderness Excursions! Casey: Whatever!" - Greek
"Deanne McKenzie: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday? Kurt McKenzie: Well, Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be great." - Grown Ups
"Do you know how many lives have been lost to the guy code? That thing needs to be overturned before it's too late!" - Greek
"I hate her. In fact, the day you broke up with her I marked that down on my calendar as a day of rejoicement. I'm going to celebrate it with a cake with her face on it, but instead of eating it, we smash it." - She's Out of My League
"If we are going to pay this much for crab it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid!" - Date Night
"Jack: You're a moodle. Kirk: A moodle? Jack: A man poodle. Girls, they wanna take you out on a walk. They wanna feed you, they wanna cuddle you, but make no mistake, no girl wants to do the moodle." - She's Out of My League
"Look, in your virgin mind, women are like these mythical creatures... Like unicorns! With breasts! But let me tell you something: that's a myth. Women are just normal people with breasts." - Greek
"Never drink to feel better; drink to feel even better." - How Do You Know
"Rusty, I can't go to jail! I have serious food allergies!" - Greek
"Samantha Jones: Everyone knows you don't hire a hot nanny, it's the law! Carrie Bradshaw: Yeah, Jude Law." - Sex and the City 2
"Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the Lord today." - Greek
"Susan: I need a man in my life! Lee: Why? We're so useless." - Desperate Housewives
"Telling a woman you like her clothes isn't lying. It's self-preservation." - Gossip Girl
"Tom: Remember last time you were pregnant with twins? Every part of you swelled up. It was like sleeping next to a body they dragged out of the river. Lynette: You said I was beautiful. Tom: I had to. You were twice my size." - Desperate Housewives
"Well. The entire world is falling to ruins and poor Cheshire's off his tea." - Alice in Wonderland
"You have a choice. You can step aside. Or you can fight me. If that is how you want to go, I warn you, I will go dark side. Okay? I will rip out your hair. I will bite your chin off. And I will stab you in the eyes with confiscated scissors. Because I'm an insane mother fucker." - She's Out of My League
"look at me. I'm tipsy. I'm horny. I'm easier than a five-year-old's homework." - Desperate Housewives
"You know what they say in a bad economy, the mature cocktail waitress is the first to go." - Desperate Housewives
"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." - Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler
"Love and law are the same, romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection." - Ally McBeal
"Well, that's what's so great about it, technically it's a business dinner. It has all the potential upsides of a date while still being tax deductible." - Desperate Housewives
"It's when he got strict with me I knew I liked him. I hope this doesn't mean deep down I want to be spanked." - Ally McBeal
"Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by." - Pirates of the Caribbean
"He's a guy. Nothing they do ever makes sense." -Felicity
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allan Poe
"No matter how old you are, no matter how badass you think you are, if a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone... you answer it."
"Cinderella is proof that a pair of shoes can change your life."
"That awkward moment when everyone else quit laughing 10 minutes ago, but you can't stop."
"The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble." - Ellen DeGeneres
