Humor Quotes ... Page 5
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12
"Take my advice. I don't use it anyway."
"Your mother and I think that if the American economy can be billions in debt and still survive, so can you." - Confessions of a Shopaholic
"Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken."
"You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey from the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit!" - accepted
"Never knock on deaths door. just ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)."
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
"Oh you are going to love him, and by love I mean cower in terror from." - Inkheart
"I'm not evil. Unless evil turns you on." - Grey's Anatomy
"What you gotta do is think real hard and come up with someone who can't be traced to either one of us who can pay a visit to that guy she was with." - the break-up
"if you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine." - deep thoughts, jack handey
"If I wasn't so short.. I'd be a lot taller." - Piglet
"Here's what I think. Round up all the divorced men and keep them in a pound. That way you get their whole history before you take one home." - Sex and the City
"Cry me a river and drown in it!"
"Screw Twizzlers! I'll make your mouth happy!"
"Gosh, there are so many mean, jealous, annoying, and uncaring guys to choose from. What's a girl to do?"
"You're a Mormon. Compared to you we all have a drinking problem." - Burn After Reading
"Tank: I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in. Alexis: Well I would kick you in the dick, but my foot might get Herpes." -My Best Friend's Girl
"I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife, but, in those fantasies, I was running into them with a truck." - Sex and the City
"Conceited people never get anywhere, because they think they're already there."
"Every time I think something, the opposite happens.... I am so not having sex this weekend. " - Scrubs
"There is no right and wrong. There is only fun and boring." - Hackers
"Don't follow in my footsteps because I run into walls."
"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place." - H.L. Mencken
"Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount." - when harry met sally
"Charlotte: How can you not know anything about him? You slept with him? Samantha: I fucked him. He made me cum six times, that's good enough for me." - Sex and the City
"You know, if the whole cum situation were reversed, do you think men would get anywhere near the stuff?" - Sex and the City
"Stop the world -- I wanna get off!"
"Charlotte: I don't want to ruin it by having sex with him too early. Carrie: Oh, so you're everything but girl. Charlotte: I like to think of it as kissing with extras. Carrie: How very ninth grade of you." - Sex and the City
"To make things simple let's automatically assume that everything I say is right."
"I don't think you're ugly, I just think the world has made you weird." - Jann Arden, 'I know you'
"It's one of those days. Again." - Eeyore
"You want to keep a secret, don't tell the fat guy." - Lost
"St. Valentine, the bastard who started all this bullshit, died a horrible, violent death. Haha that sucks.......nope I'm not bitter."
"just remember, it's really wrong to gossip, unless it's true or just way too good not to tell everyone you see, whether you know them or not. " - Gilmore Girls
"Snow White. Cinderella. All about wanting a guy, being saved by the guy. Today it's Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about getting a guy. So basically we're screwed up because of Disney."
"You don't keep inklings to yourself! You share them! You're like hey guy, I got an inkling you're headed for a fall here! That's what friends do, that's common knowledge, it's in the damn handbook!" - Valentine's Day
"I'm not conceited, I'm just simply aware of my sexy little self."
"I'm a biological underachiever. And it's ironic because that ovary went to Harvard." - Sex and the City
"A guy drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank him."
"Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one." - house
"I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out."
"i tried to have a nice day once. it didn't work."
"Blondes have it easy -- brunettes don't have an excuse to act stupid."
"All of you hotties wait in line, cause me and my girls pimp one at a time."
"I still miss my ex but my aim's improving."
"Charlotte: Wait a second, I thought you were serious about this guy, you can't sleep with him on the first date. Miranda: Here she goes again with 'The Rules.' Samantha: The women who wrote that book they wrote it because they couldn't get laid, so they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad." - Sex and the City
"I'm so bloated and gassy, I'm like a flotation device." - Sex and the City
"They practically chased me with torches like I was fuckenstein." - Sex and the City
"We don't devote enough scientific research to finding the cure for jerks." - Calvin & Hobbes
"I got you in trouble in high school; and college now that was a ball. you had some of the best times you'll never remember with me: Alcohol." - Brad Paisley, "Alcohol"
